Privacy Policy

Because even schmucks deserve to know what's up.

Who We Are

For Schmucks website is owned by For Schmucks, which is a data controller of your personal data. ALL of it. Mmm, tasty, tasty data. Our website address is: https://forschmucks.net. By accessing this website, you accept these terms and conditions. Do not continue to use For Schmucks if you do not agree, schmuck.

Personal Information We Collect

When visitors leave comments, we collect the data shown in the comments form, plus the visitor's IP address and browser user agent string for spam detection. We reserve the right to publish reviews, positive and negative, as deemed appropriate. When you visit For Schmucks, we automatically collect certain device information including web browser, IP address, time zone, and cookies. We also collect information about pages you view and how you interact with the site. Personal data you provide during registration (name, address, payment info, etc.) is used to fulfill orders. Unless you buy something or sign up, we're not going to look at it.

Media

We own the media we publish, including anything you choose to submit to us. Get ready to surrender control of that selfie if you plan to send it our way.

Cookies

The website uses cookies to help personalize your online experience. A cookie is a text file placed on your hard disk by a web page server — it can't run programs or deliver viruses. We may use cookies for statistical or marketing purposes. You can accept or decline optional cookies; required cookies are necessary for operation and don't require consent. Honestly, we don't care who visits as long as you keep buying our stuff. We'll do our best to limit what affiliate partners grab, but no promises about their cookies. As a reward for reading this, here's a free Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookie recipe —

📜Requirements

Medium Bowl

Large Bowl

Parchment paper or silicone baking mats if you’re an overachiever

🥣Ingredients

Cup and a half – all-purpose flour (spoon and level it)

Ground Cinnamon – one teaspoon if you’re feeling like a baller (not really needed but it’s your funeral Mr/Ms Beetus)

Baking soda – one teaspoon

Salt – three quarters of a teaspoon

Butter (unsalted, room temperature) – 1 cup

Brown Sugar – 1 cup light or dark brown will do, we respect all color here

Granulated Sugar – half cup

Eggs – 2 of ‘em at room temperature (yeah, we KNOW they can be expensive, just make sure they’re fresh)

Molasses – One tablespoon will do it, unsulphured or dark (no blackstrap)

Pure Vanilla Extract – Two teaspoons, just like Wesley Willis would’a wanted

Oats – 3 cups of old fashioned whole rolled oats

Chocolate chips – One and three quarter cups

Sea salt – just a little bit on top after baking is done

📚Instructions

Whisk the flour, cinnamon, baking soda and salt together in the medium bowl.

Take the large bowl and use a mixer to beat the butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar together on medium-high speed until SUPER creamy after a few minutes. Add the eggs, molasses, and vanilla and beat it on high (huh huh) until combined for a minute. Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl and beat again to combine.

Add the dry stuff to the wet stuff on low until combined. Beat in the oats and chocolate chips. It should be thick and sticky.

Cover and put the dough in the fridge for at least 45 minutes and buy some more crap on forschmucks.net. If you go on a complete spending bender you can leave it in there for up to four days, but if you forget about it and come back for hours, leave it at room temperature for half an hour before rolling and baking because the dough will be firm (huh huh).

Preheat your oven to 350°F. Put parchment paper on your baking sheets or use silicon baking mats and place them aside.

Use a medium cookie scoop to take 2 Tablespoons of dough per cookie 3 inches apart on the baking sheets. Bake for about 13 or 14 minutes until lightly brown on the sides. The centers will look soft and irresistible if you did it right, schmuck.

Take that sugary bliss out of the oven and let it cool for at least five minutes before you gorge yourself, er transfer to a cooling rack to completely cool. Can’t hurt to add a few more chocolate chips on top for real chocoholics and add some sea salt, but those do make it more awesome.

They should stay fresh at room temperature for up to a week, but we both know you’ll devour them in less than three days. Proud of your cooking prowess? Post on social and we’ll permit you to bask in our eternal sunshine.

Embedded Content from Other Websites

Content on this site may include embedded content (videos, images, articles, etc.). Embedded content from other websites behaves exactly as if the visitor has visited the other website directly. These sites may collect data about you, use cookies, and monitor your interaction with that content. They may be jerks about your data, so just beware of those big brother vibes.

Why Do We Process Your Data?

Our top priority, apart from depriving you of your hard-earned money, is customer data security. We process only minimal user data necessary to maintain the website. You can visit without revealing who you are. If you wish to use certain features or fill a form, you may provide personal data such as email, name, or phone number. You can choose not to — but then you may not be able to use some features. For questions, contact privacy@forschmucks.net . Generally, we won't share your data with third parties without your permission, because we're for schmucks, not against them.

Your Rights Over Your Data

If you have an account or have left comments, you can request an exported file of your personal data, or ask us to erase any personal data we hold about you. This does not include data we're obligated to keep for administrative, legal, or security purposes. Contact privacy@forschmucks.net with any requests.

How Long We Retain Your Data

Comments and their metadata are retained indefinitely so we can recognize follow-up comments. We secure your information in a controlled, protected environment. For users who register, we store personal information in their profile. All users can see, edit, or delete their personal information at any time (except their username). Website administrators can also see and edit that information.

Contact Us

Questions about this privacy policy? Reach us at privacy@forschmucks.net . We'll get back to you when we feel like it, but we will get back to you.