your therapist says retail therapy won’t work. we disagree. fill your cart.

You’ve seen the rise of smug grifters, LinkedIn philosophers, startup sycophants, and loud mediocrity in every meeting—and it fills you with rage, exhaustion, and secondhand embarrassment.

You know a schmuck when you see one…and somehow, that makes you the most self-aware person in the room…so why not celebrate it?

This is merch for the chronically annoyed

At For Schmucks®, we make merch for people who are:
• Tired of fake deep-take think pieces and performative humility
• Allergic to hustle culture and keynote charlatans
• Proficient in sarcasm, side–eye, and cognitive dissonance
• Not above being a schmuck themselves

You’re not here to play along. You’re here to roll your eyes, sip something bitter, and wear clothing that quietly screams: 
“Buckle up, meatbag.”